


but my knees were far too weak

by Hazazel



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 01:43:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19141069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazazel/pseuds/Hazazel
Summary: Touta is 30 when he realises he’s fallen in love. At the worst moment possible, too - Aizawa is beginning to suspect that Light is Kira (or does already, really), Misa has been captured by Near and they’re heading towards the warehouse for what is sure to be the final confrontation.He must not doubt.





	but my knees were far too weak

**Author's Note:**

> sooo i know i said i’d write fanfiction about my wammy ocs but then i remembered “set fire to the rain” by adele and i was like... matsulight. so this is a quick fic made in the hopes i’d escape existential dread and also my finals. please reblog and leave comments. i really hope you like it !

Touta is 30 when he realises he’s fallen in love. At the worst moment possible, too - Aizawa is beginning to suspect that Light is Kira (or does already, really), Misa has been captured by Near and they’re heading towards the warehouse for what is sure to be the final confrontation.

He must not doubt.

Light looks... regal, in his well-fitted clothes and shoes, and Touta wonders if he’s ever worn a suit so well. Probably not - he’s too small around the shoulders and his arms are too long. Light is the perfect size, always has been (he would pretend to look at Sayu, hoped he’d befriend her, because Light seemed so close to her that it must have meant  _something_ -)

He must not doubt, and yet he does. Aizawa made a pretty convincing speech earlier, when he said, when he affirmed, that Near would win. Touta had to face the very real possibility that Light would be Kira, that he’d lied to them all (to him), that there’d be no future.

 _Who am I kidding_ , he thinks to himself.  _I never had one_.

It’s not like Light looked at him in a special sort of way, or looked at him at all, for all that matters. He’s busy, Touta tried to think, he’s the new L and he can’t deal with my bullshit. And he has Misa, who is quite a catch, who wouldn’t be happy with her ? But before that, there’d been the months they spent together trying to catch Kira in L’s tech-ridden building. Ah, but he’d been chained to L 24/7, no chance for romance, and then too there had been Misa. And before that... Touta tried not to think too hard about his 23 year-old self falling desperately enamoured with the 16 year-old son of his new boss. The very charming, reserved, attractive Light Yagami.

Who was he kidding. He’d never stood a chance.  _Goody-two-shoes Matsuda Touta, I hereby declare you King of Fools_. But just for this once - in their police van that they’d “borrowed”, heading towards who knows what, Touta allows himself to dream of what could have been.

Afternoons spent... His imagination comes short. What does Light like to do ? What are his hobbies, what brings him joy ? Touta has no idea. Light has always been a very private person, who barely invited him over and who never went out for drinks. He never shared details of his private life, he never spoke about his intimacy with Misa. Hell, Touta knew more about Mogi than he did about Light. What did Light have for breakfast ?

* * *

The shot is fired and Matsuda’s eyes are dryer than he thought they’d be. In the short span of a few minutes, an eternity of daydreams came to an end, and for now he can’t see past the sheer hurt of having been lied to, led by the nose, like that. Light falls on the ground and grasps at air.

He must not doubt that he made the right choice.


End file.
